Sunday, August 29, 2010

Help Baby Girls Are Everywhere

So it was kind of a big stretch for me to go to a baby girl shower and a gender reveal party which revealed another baby girl is on her way. My husbands brother and wife are expecting a baby girl in January. I kept with my mantra (God's timing is perfect and why would I want anything other than what God has for me) however and I got through both parties without any weird freak outs or sob sessions. At the party we all wore the color pink or blue to display our guesses of whether it was a boy or a girl. So of coarse I wore pink. We ate cupcakes filled with pink filling and that's how we all were notified that it was a girl. I realized that the hardest part will probably be when I actually see these babies after they're born. I may have to come up with an even stronger mantra for that time.

Another hurdle could be October 23 when I'm invited to a party for a close family friend who is a BLM and became a BLM before me. Please keep her in your prayers she is expecting a baby girl in 2 weeks. There will be a "shower" for her on October 23 so I will actually, God willing, be seeing a LIVE brand new baby girl at the "shower." She doesn't want to call it a shower though as you may understand her unwillingness to have a shower as she is a BLM. October 23, 2009 is a horrible date for me even though it is my mother's birthday it is also the day we were told that Gracie had trisomy 18. If you can think of a mantra to get me through that day if I even go to the party that would be great.

So I feel like I have baby girls coming out of everywhere but me:
Baby Girls Expected:
Close family friend, Sept.
Cousin, Dec.
My Belly Buddy, Dec.
Sister-in-Law, Jan.

I'm sort of dreading fall and winter because its when we got the bad news and it's when Gracie was born. I'm still trying to smile because she lived and quit dwelling on the hurt but it's a process and maybe a lifetime process.

First Baby Shower and Thoughtless Comments

I just got home from the first baby shower since Gracie left us. I was doing really well on the drive over. Truly believing that God's plan was exactly right and that we just don't know what he's doing sometimes. I was thinking about one of the facebook friends I met through the trisomy 18 group just after we lost Gracie. She lost her daughter in Nov. 09 a month before we lost Gracie. And sadly she just lost her rainbow baby at 33 weeks just about a week ago. Wow did that stun me and my heart aches for her. When she annouced her rainbow pregnancy it was one of the first announcements I had heard of after losing Gracie. I was a lot shocked out how quickly it had happened for them and we weren't even trying at that point. You just don't know which one's will go straight to heaven and which one's stay here with us. I am again reminded to love deeply but assume that you really don't know when the last day will be with anyone.

So this shower was for my cousin who has a daughter 3 weeks older than my 3 year old son. When I announced my pregnancy with Gracie she told me that she just wasn't ready for another one yet so at that time I assumed that the rest of our babies wouldn't be the same age. But then she announced that she was ttc just before we decided to start trying this time and so then I thought well maybe this next one will be the same age. Well now I'm here, the day of her shower and still haven't had luck ttc. I have to go back to it's all in God's timing and why would I want anything other than what God has for me. But it's so hard to keep my mind framed around that thought and not wonder why we haven't yet. And wonder why everyone I know who was trying is now pregnant. It's so easy to slip into that thought pattern.

The shower wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. Thankfully it was a small shower and I didn't have to look at a ton of baby girl clothing items. When she told me she found out she was having a girl she said she cried. I told her it could be worse and she said, "yeah, it could be worse, I could be having twin girls." This side of the family has trouble using their head when they speak. Her mother today said that our side of the family ruined getting together for Thanksgiving last year. I can't believe she said that because my side of the family had Thanksgiving at my house last year because I wasn't allowed to travel being pregnant with Gracie.

I will choose to not hold a grudge even though my feelings tell me too.

So in 10 minutes we leave to go to my husbands brother and sister-in-laws baby gender reveal party. Wish me luck!! What a day!!! I'll tell you about it later.