I'm feeling so alone. Except that I feel less alone knowing that Ke.lly Ri.pa also has a mustache that she is going to have to deal with.
I'm not pregnant and my closest friend is pregnant. And almost everyone I think of is pregnant right now. I didn't think it would bother me so bad until the a/f came last night and now I feel so alone and left behind.
The only thing that makes me feel better is that I can now remove the hair on my upper lip. Highlight my hair. Weed and feed the yard. And finish painting the kitchen. Clean the litter box.......ok maybe not so much but at least it will get done when I want it to be done the next couple of weeks until OV happens again. And drink beer.
And also I'm sorta scared to death to be pregnant. I'm seriously worried about the anxiety that will likely come with being pregnant again. The fear and scare of every pain, drip, and symptom that will come and scare me to death that my baby has died. The 2ww of our first time ttc in May was bad enough, scared to death of doing anything that would do harm to the baby. Scared to death of every move I made might come back to haunt me even if it wasn't anything that I actually did that would cause another loss but scared that anything I do would haunt me later as something that could have caused a loss. And I wasn't even pregnant just the 2ww where I could have been pregnant. What's it going to be like once I'm actually pregnant? I should add an "if." and what's it going to be like "if" I never do get pregnant and "if" Gavin never has a living sibling to play with. I know I have to let the peace that paseth understanding guard my heart and mind. Praying might be a good idea at this point.
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